I’m Russell Kane, comedian and podcast host, and I want to talk about the icon, Queen Victoria.

Born in Kensington Palace in 1819, her father died when she was a baby, leaving Victoria to a lonely childhood, where she was groomed for the throne. In 1837, aged just 18, she became Queen.

She married her cousin, Prince Albert of Saxe-Coburg and Gotha, in 1840. Victoria fell in love with Albert, his Christmas trees and his unusual… down below jewellery. Albert died of typhoid fever in 1861, but not before Victoria had squeezed out nine children. But guess what? Turns out she was an awful mother. She was disgusted by babies and she resented them keeping her away from her beloved Albert. All she wanted to do was spend time with him.

She said this: ‘An ugly baby is very nasty object. And the prettiest is frightful when undressed, until about 4 months; in short, as long as they have their big body and little limbs and that terrible froglike action.’

That’s from one of Victoria’s letters – so not a fan. And when her daughter Alice got married, it was, according to one of her letters: ‘The saddest day I can remember.’

She didn’t want Beatrice to marry either, and when Beatrice got engaged, Victoria used notes to communicate with her at mealtimes. Wow, Victoria using notes instead of talking to her – that’s cold. Now I feel guilty ’cause I only ever drop my mum a text. But here’s a positive you maybe weren’t expecting. Victoria’s diaries reveal she unashamedly loved sex.

She wrote: ‘My dear Albert came in today from the rain. He looked so handsome in his white cashmere britches, with nothing on underneath.’

But is it so shocking? Everyone loves sex, maybe we’re just shocked because it’s coming from the woman we remember as the grumpy old monarch in her mourning clothes. Maybe we’re just shocked because it’s coming from a woman. For all her ramped up sexiness, though, there’s a rumour that Victoria wouldn’t pass laws on lesbianism because she didn’t believe it existed.Fun and games aside, there’s one dodgy fact you cannot dodge when you’re talking about Queen Victoria.

She was the figurehead of the British Empire. While Victoria was Queen, 1,000,000 people died unnecessarily in the Irish Potato Famine. Africa was carved up by Europeans, scrambling to take advantage of the continent’s natural resources.There were concentration camps in the Boer War. Men, women and children died in the 1857 Indian Rebellion. Perhaps worst of all, millions of Indian people died in famines while she was empress.

A couple of points in Victoria’s defence here, and I promise I’m not just pathetically grovelling for a knighthood. First of all, how involved could Victoria have been in the Colonies, in real terms? She only had updates every couple of weeks and she was surrounded by advisors who did the nuts and bolts business of administering the Empire.

Something else, she once made a personal donation of £2,000 to those starving during the Irish Potato Famine. So, that would suggest she wasn’t entirely comfortable with what her Empire was doing. And remember, she also condemned atrocities on both sides during the Indian Rebellion. And add to that, she was firm in her belief that there should be religious freedom in India.

So, can she be held responsible? You decide. Anyway, there’s some facts, do what you will. She was an emotionally repressed nookie addict who was also the figurehead of the British Empire.

I’m off for a piercing.

(End)

• An icon (noun): a person or thing that is a famous example of something.
• To groom someone (verb): to prepare someone for an event.
• A throne (noun): the position of a king or queen.
• Down below (idiom): used to refer to the genital area of a man or woman.
• To squeeze out something (phrasal verb): to force something out of something.
• Disgusted (adjective): filled with strong dislike for something.
• To resent something (verb): to show strong dislike for something.
• To keep someone away from someone (phrasal verb): to stop someone seeing someone.
• Beloved (adjective): much loved.
• Frightful (adjective): very bad, shocking, or extremely unpleasant.
• To get engaged (phrase): to formally agree to marry someone.
• Cold (adjective): unfriendly, distant, or lacking emotion.
• To drop someone a text/ line (idiom): to send someone a text message.
• To reveal something (verb): to uncover, show, or display something that was hidden.
• Unashamedly (adverb): in a way that shows no shame or embarrassment about something.
• Britches (noun): short trousers that do not cover the whole leg, often stopping at the knee.
• Nothing on (phrase): wearing no clothes.
• Grumpy (adjective): irritable and moody.
• A monarch (noun): a king or queen, the ruler of a monarchy.
• Mourning (noun): great sadness because someone has died.
• To ramp up something (phrasal verb): to increase rapidly.
• A rumour (noun): information about something that may not be reliable or true.
• Fun and games (idiom): enjoyable activities (often used ironically for the opposite meaning).
• Aside (adverb): not included.
• Dodgy (adjective): uncomfortable and weird.
• To dodge something (verb): to avoid or sidestep something.
• A figurehead (noun): a symbolic leader of something.
• An empire (noun): a state that has achieved a large size by conquering other countries.
• A famine (noun): an extreme shortage of food in an area.
• To carve up something (phrasal verb): to divide into separate parts.
• To scramble (verb): to do something quickly in a disorganised way.
• An empress (noun): a female ruler of an empire.
• Pathetically (adverb): in a way that is not good enough and dishonourable.
• To grovel (verb): to apologise or be excessively nice to someone to try to get something.
• A knighthood (noun): an honour in the UK given by the monarch for special achievements.
• In real terms (phrase): in real life, practically.
• The nuts and bolts (idiom): the basic and fundamental parts of something that make it work.
• To administer something (verb): to manage and supervise the running of something.
• A donation (noun): a voluntary gift or contribution for a specific cause.
• To starve (verb): to suffer or die because of a lack of food.
• To condemn something (verb): to strongly criticise something.
• An atrocity (noun): an extremely terrible or cruel act.
• Firm (adjective): strong and unchanging.
• Repressed (adjective): having feelings that you do not show or express.
• Nookie (noun, informal): sex or other sexual activity.
• To be off (phrase): to leave or go somewhere.
• A piercing (noun): a hole made in the body so that jewellery can be worn through it.

In this text, there are different examples of participle clauses. Participle clauses allow us to give information in a shorter, more economical way by using present participles (e.g. going), past participles (e.g. gone), or perfect participles (e.g, having gone) to replace full clauses:

‘Living in a village, I don’t have lots of things to do.’ (Because I live in a village, I don’t have lots of things to do.)

‘He went to bed, tired and frustrated.’ (He went to bed, he was feeling tired and frustrated.)

Participle clauses share the subject with the main clause and do not have a specific tense – the verb in the main clause indicates the tense. Commonly used in written, formal contexts, participle clauses serve various functions:

Present participle clauses (which have similar meaning to active verbs):

• Result of an action: The vase fell, breaking into pieces.
• Reason for an action: Hoping to catch the train, she ran to the station.
• Simultaneous actions: He sipped his coffee, reading the newspaper.
• Adding subject details: Starting in September, the course will cover advanced topics.

Past participle clauses (normally used with a passive meaning):

• Conditional meaning: Handled carefully, the antique will last for years.
• Reason for an action: They left the meeting, shocked by the announcement.
• Adding subject details: Covered in snow, the mountains looked breathtaking.

Perfect participle clauses (showing the action was finished before the action in the main clause):

• Active meaning: Having written her thesis, she submitted it to the professor.
• Passive meaning: The car was ready to use again having been repaired.

After Conjunctions/ Prepositions: before, after, while, on, by, etc.

• Before leaving the house, he double-checked the locks.
• She went out for a walk on finishing her homework.
• After hearing the good news, he celebrated together with his family.
• He found an old photograph while organising the files.
• By completing the essay early, he was able to relax.

Examples in the text:

• Born in Kensington Palace in 1819, her father died when she was a baby: this past participle clause is used to give extra subject details about Queen Victoria’s early life.
• In 1837, aged just 18, she became Queen: this past participle clause is used to give extra subject details about Queen Victoria’s early life.
• Africa was carved up by Europeans, scrambling to take advantage of the continent’s natural resources: this present participle clause is used to give the reason for an action, explaining why Africa was divided by European nations.

https://learnenglish.britishcouncil.org/grammar/c1-grammar/participle-clauses

#TheUK #Royalty #Comedy #BBCIdeas

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